ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
