I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
