Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
