Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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