I'm jealous of your bromance
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
