my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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