...so i touched it.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
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