BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
