??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
