We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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