That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Randomize
