Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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