i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
