smell my finger.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
