What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
