I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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