Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Randomize
