apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
