I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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