My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
