Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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