My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
