just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
