over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
whose ass print is on the piano?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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