I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
