beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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