I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
