1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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