i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
