Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
