found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Of course I have a pirate flag
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize