Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
