Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
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