Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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