dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
