I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
