It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
