John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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