38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
