And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
