come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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