dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize
