Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
someone owes me an orgasm
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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