i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
