Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I hope mine doesn't look like that
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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