I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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