Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
