True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
