are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
