worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize