spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
