Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
