so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
