HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
