mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Randomize
