I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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