this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
