Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
