can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
