Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I am mentally ready for anal.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
