OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize