How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
this just has baby written all over it
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
