Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
