I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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