We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Pants 0. Shit 1.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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