Life is so much better after having sex.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
