I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Randomize
