and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
