so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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