I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
