she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
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