Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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