I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize