i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
