moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
