do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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