i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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