I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
